Weird or not, MAGA Masculinity is Wanting
The Trumpy version of manhood is missing key pieces for happier, healthier men and truly great lives
I am a proud “White Dude For Harris.” I attended the call last month with fellas including Jeff “the dude abides” Bridges, Mark “Luke Skywalker” Hamill and Adam Schiff.
And I heard the mockery from those on the right. We were “betas” — non-alpha males. Or “cucks” — guys who are so weak our wives are unfaithful to us.
The attacks stung me some. They hit below the belt–literally belittling our sexual potency.
But I’m wary of hitting back with more name-calling. In particular, the “weird” label growing popular among Democrats makes me uncomfortable. The term is about “othering” people, and that’s long been a cruel tool of the right. Besides, “weird” refers to how out-of-the-ordinary something is. And there are a lot of Americans who’ve bought into the Make America Great Again version of masculinity. That is, the idea that men are supposed to be dominant, to be invincible, to avoid emotions other than anger and glee–a gladness that often comes from vanquishing or diminishing another.
But whether or not it is weird, MAGA masculinity is wanting. It isn’t enough for a man to live a happy, healthy, full life. For a man to make his own life great–let alone the lives of those around him.
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I say this having studied masculinity matters extensively over the past decade.
Having read the research and talked to men of different ages, races, economic classes, industries and political affiliations, there’s one thing Trump and his surrogates get right. There is a crisis of masculinity in this moment. As authors such as Richard Reeves have documented, American boys and men are falling behind in school and in the workforce. A loneliness epidemic is leading many men to suffer and die deaths of despair, including drug overdoses and suicide. White men make up about 30 percent of the U.S. population, yet account for close to 70 percent of suicides nationally.
It’s also true that progressive circles have been slow to acknowledge these problems. To note that a hyper-masculine society–AKA the patriarchy–hurts men too.
But the solution isn’t to regress into an even more extreme, violent manhood, as Trump and team MAGA suggest.
Rage and resentment can rile up men. But the manhood promoted by influencers like Andrew Tate ultimately amounts to a “sugar high,” as New York Times columnist David French put it.
French suggest a more nourishing masculinity can be found in the example of Admiral William McRaven, a Navy SEAL who helped lead the mission to kill Osama Bin Laden. French quotes a stirring graduation speech from McRaven, who sounds nothing like the take-no-prisoners, chest-beating culture warriors on the right.
“You must have compassion. You must ache for the poor and disenfranchised. You must fear for the vulnerable,” McRaven said. “You must weep for the ill and infirm. You must pray for those who are without hope. You must be kind to the less fortunate.”
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McRaven isn’t explicitly spelling out a masculine ethos. But his wise words urge men to embrace empathy, compassion and vulnerability. And these qualities aren’t just a recipe for a moral life, they are critical to the sort of deep, meaningful relationships that many men today are sorely lacking.
What’s more, when men have genuine compassion for others, they aren’t defensive about efforts to advance women and other historically marginal groups–the diversity, equity and inclusion efforts that have triggered such a backlash in recent years. Men willing to let down their guard and feel for others are more able to see privilege and the systems that concentrate power in the hands of a few. They see the damaging effects of unhealthy attitudes on everyone.
For example, I’ve been working with men in the ski industry who are coming to grips with the outdated, destructive norms of the “Tough Guy Show.” That is, the cramped, confined version of manhood that tells men to bottle up feelings, snipe at each other and never ask for help.
“F*** the Tough Guy Show,” these men (and women) are saying. They are leaning into a “Liberating Masculinity” that frees men to express their hurts, to recognize their interdependence, to find their self-worth in a deeper place than merely besting others.
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The difference between MAGA Masculinity and Liberating Masculinity can be seen in two short quotes.
“Fight, Fight, Fight!” Trump said after he was nearly assassinated.
“Surrender,” Jeff Bridges suggested during the White Dudes for Harris call.
Fighting has its place. Especially, I believe, the non-violent resistance of Mohandas Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. But to Trump and MAGA it is all fighting all the time. And that simplistic, hyper-competitive mantra leads to devastating problems both at the individual level–witness all the angry, isolated, despairing men–and at the collective level–seen in the January 6 insurrection.
What Trump needed to do after losing his court battles over the 2020 election was to surrender. There’s virtue in conceding an unpleasant truth. In submitting to a righteous rule. Honor and growth are possible when one admits defeat. Just look at Joe Biden.
It would be easy to view the “surrender” remark from Jeff Bridges as a recipe for becoming a push-over. But I think Bridges is speaking to something more profound: moving past division and perceiving our best, harmonious visions for tomorrow. “It’s not so much a fight,” Bridges said on the call. “It’s a surrender to our higher thoughts of how we want this future to turn out.”
To me, Bridges is getting at how we need to let go of an American past that wasn’t ever great for all Americans. How we need to surrender to the emergence of America that is less White and less Christian, yet still united by dreams of freedom, equality and hope.
Weird or not, MAGA Masculinity can’t help American men thrive today. It is missing vital aspects of our humanity, of our soul.
My MAGA brothers, I invite you to take a break from mocking us Men for Harris. Let’s have an actual conversation. Let’s talk about how to help men–and everyone–live happier, healthier, truly great lives.
