5 “Cs” for Men to Evolve their Approach to Masculinity
Men are called today to show up differently. At work, at home and in the world.
Older forms of masculinity confined us to being largely competitive, stoic and self-reliant. And those “man rules” really limit us in the business environment that’s emerging.
They set us up to be rigid, cold and isolated in a world now calling for agility, warm and connection.
So how do we liberate ourselves from that "confined masculinity?"
Here are 5 key practices, based on the book I co-wrote with Ed Adams, Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection.
They are 5 Cs for evolving our approach to masculinity.*
1. Curiosity
This is about asking questions. Wondering. Under traditional masculinity, curiosity is considered a thing of childhood. It can make you vulnerable--which is not good. Knowledge is power, but it isn’t ok to reveal you don’t know something.
Under an evolved masculinity, curiosity is central to success. Vulnerable “learning out loud” is a strength. As Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella puts it, in today’s constantly changing business world, we must go from being a know-it-all to a learn-it-all.
2. Courage
Under confined masculinity, bravery is concentrated in physical and financial realms. We go into the burning building to save someone. We bet the farm on a business plan. These are honorable forms of courage. But limited.
Under an evolved, liberating masculinity, we extend bravery. For one thing, we apply courage to critical self-reflection. We seek to know ourselves through the lenses of equity and fairness–what privileges might we have taken for granted? We also demonstrate courage by venturing into the realm of emotions. We bravely expose our feelings, our hopes and our fears to others.
3. Compassion
This is about feeling empathy and taking action to alleviate suffering. For others. And for ourselves.
In conventional versions of masculinity, compassion is the province of women. Men might demonstrate unspoken compassion shown in our actions. But not in our words as well. And we have had a hard time being kind to ourselves. We’re more likely to beat ourselves up.
In an evolved masculinity, we reclaim compassion as central to men. Beyond acting supportive, it's about emotional attentiveness and expressivity. And we practice self-compassion. We forgive ourselves and care for our wounds–be they physical, mental or emotional.
4. Connection
This is about noticing our interdependence with others. And about cultivating healthier, stronger bonds with others in our organization and beyond. This includes acting as an ally and advocate for others who’ve been marginalized.
Confined masculinity looks down on connection. When we bond with others, it may be superficial friendship. And limited to a circumscribed group. The emphasis is on self-reliance, to the point of isolation. I am a rock.
Under an evolved masculinity, we recognize our interconnectedness with all people and the planet. We consciously build strong professional and personal networks. I’m not just a rock. I’m part of an ecosystem.
5. Contemplation
Here I’m talking about Meditation and mindfulness. Prayer. Practices such as yoga and Qigong.
Confined masculinity views contemplation as something for holy men on mountaintops. Not for average guys who want to achieve and get ahead. A waste of time.
But liberating masculinity sees meditation, mindfulness and other contemplative practices as critical to success. As time well spent. These practices–even just 5 minutes a day–enable presence, self-awareness, compassion and connection.
The 5 Cs, once again, are
Curiosity
Courage
Compassion
Connection
and
Contemplation
And they are vital to evolving how we see ourselves and show up as men.
The 5 Cs will help you to develop an inclusive definition of success. They will enable you to thrive–even as you support your colleagues as never before.
You can expect to experience:
— Better collaboration and business results
— New professional opportunities
— More effectiveness as an ally to others
— Greater peace of mind
— And more joy in your work and wider life.
So try the 5 Cs. If you do, you’ll feel one more C: cool!
*These 5Cs are slightly different from the 5Cs Ed Adams and I included in our book. I have swapped in “contemplation” for “commitment.” My thinking on how to evolve masculinity has evolved!
