3 Ways for Men to go from “Know it Alls” to “Learn it Alls”
For years, I tried to be the “smartest guy in the room.”
I still do at times. I can struggle to be curious, which requires vulnerability. It reveals that I don’t know it all.
Admitting ignorance runs counter to the “confined” masculinity I grew up with. We men were supposed to win and dominate, whether that was on the playing field, the classroom or the office.
As a 55-year-old man, curiosity also is a poor fit with the “fixed mindset” I was taught. Guys my age were largely told that our intelligence was set in stone. Any suggestion we didn’t know something threatened our status as smarties.
This was never wise. And it’s now a recipe for workplace failure.
In the faster, flatter, fairness-focused world that’s emerging, men are called to get humble, to acknowledge others’ expertise and to ask questions. In the words of Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, we need to shift from being “know it alls” to “learn it alls.”
And we can. Here are 3 ways men can evolve and develop their curiosity.
1. Tap Your Little Kid Wonder.
Human beings are innately curious. When we’re little boys, we constantly ask questions like “Why is the sky blue?” and “How do airplanes fly?” Just the other day, I heard a toddler ask his dad why water goes down a drain.
This natural inquisitiveness is often beaten out of us guys by the time we’re young adults. We get shamed or humiliated into silence and indifference.
Time to revive that little kid within, and his wonderful sense of wonder. Let the questions come. Speak them out loud again.
2. Honor the Courage to Learn
Part of what can help you get curious again is the confidence that it takes courage to do so. By now, we’ve debunked the claim that admitting a lack of knowledge is a sign we’re less of a man.
As Brene Brown puts it: “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
As a journalist for most of my career, I sometimes ran up against folks who made me feel small for asking a basic question. It stung. But more and more I feel sorry for folks still trying to feel superior about their smarts. I’m proud to be among the curious. The real risk-takers.
3. Remember the Data
And if you have lingering doubts you’re on the right path as you pose more questions, you can go to the data.
Growing mounds of research point out that a “growth mindset” of continual learning is vital to effective leadership. That humble managers–those willing to learn from and celebrate their team members–enjoy the best results. That breakthrough innovations require people from diverse backgrounds and areas of expertise coming together and collaborating–learning from each other.
And remember that in this equity-oriented era, we men have to stop doing so much of the talking. And the interrupting. We white men especially need to listen more. Learn more from our colleagues. If we don’t collaborate in fairer ways, we may find ourselves out of a job altogether.
Deeper Rewards
Curiosity is one of the 5 “Cs” I suggest men practice in order to meet this moment.
Curiosity isn’t just a smart strategy today. It’s a soulful one.
There are deeper rewards when you move past trying to be the smartest guy in the room to trying to learn all you can.
You recognize the brilliance of the people around you. You feel young at heart. You experience the thrill of discovery.
Albert Einstein once said: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
Talk about the smartest guy in the room.
I’m trying to follow Einstein’s lead. Learning as much as I can about the miracles all around me.
How about you?
