3 Steps Introverted Men Can Take to Thrive at Work
I journal almost every day.
I take walks after most meetings.
I take a nap nearly every afternoon.
And I make time for frequent 1:1 calls with friends and colleagues–not necessarily to build my business but to deepen our bonds.
For a long time, I figured I was an oddball for spending so much of my day recharging and focusing on relationships. Maybe I was wasting time. Maybe I was too soft as a guy.
Now I don’t doubt myself much. In fact, I proudly take breaks and connect with pals.
I’ve come to realize these are wise moves for introverted men like me in the professional arena. And that traits like reflection, a collaborative spirit and strong relationships help make quiet men well-suited for business challenges today.
These insights are the result of studying the intersection of masculinity and introversion with my colleague Jennifer Kahnweiler. Jennifer is a pioneer in the field of introversion, and author of books such as The Introverted Leader and Creating Introvert-Friendly Workplaces.
Together we interviewed accomplished “quiet men” about their challenges and strategies for success. In speaking with leaders in fields including finance, technology and higher education, we found several common keys to their effectiveness and sense of fulfillment.
Here are three of them--three steps introverted men can take to thrive at work.
1. Own Your Introversion
Understand and be proud of your introversion as a man. Perhaps our biggest challenge as quiet men is overcoming self-doubts stemming from stereotypes about “real men” at work. Many of us grew up with cramped, confined notions of masculinity–that we’re supposed to be “large and in charge,” “king of the hill,” and constantly achieving as if we were machines. Our workplace cultures have long been hyper-masculine and extrovert-oriented, pitting employees against each other in a rat race to the C-suite and rewarding the loudest voices.
We now know that quiet men have critical strengths for this moment. So don’t be afraid to tell people you are introverted and explain what that means. The more you “own” your introversion, the more we erase the stigma.
2. Take Time to Recharge
Make space in your schedule for solitude and personal restoration. A basic definition of an introvert is someone who draws energy from alone time and finds social interaction draining. That’s not to say we introverts don’t like people! But in the typical business day packed with meetings, our “batteries” can get drained quickly. Take time for rest and reflection. Avoid back-to-back meetings.And If you work in an office and lack a private office, locate conference rooms where you can take refuge.
Recharge time can vary in length–from mere minutes between meetings to weeks spent in retreat. And no need to feel guilty for taking breaks! In fact, pauses often produce new insights as you integrate information you’ve assembled across meetings and projects.
3. Advocate for Others
Help less-powerful, under-represented peers as you pursue your own career. In today’s fairness-focused climate, men must be mindful of the privilege we’ve long taken for granted. Quiet men typically haven’t been the men calling the shots and running the show in organizations–we’ve often found ourselves written off as “milquetoast,” “slow” or worse. Still, it’s important for us to use what power we have to aid colleagues who’ve been marginalized.
Jennifer and I discovered that accomplished quiet men often prioritize advocating for others. Their empathy and listening skills make them effective allies.
Jennifer has coached introverted men to step into this role. In my own work, I’ve consciously looked to coach women.
And more generally, I’m trying to take my own medicine.
If you see me strolling through the neighborhood during business hours, taking a break or talking to a friend on the phone, don’t expect me to feel guilty.
This is what it can look like for a quiet man to thrive at work.
